How do you do it?

Geez this writing business is damn hard work.

Okay. So I have this story that I've been dabbling with for a good 3 years now. I've named it Dragon Lord and as you guessed. It is about a Dragon Lord. Yes, my own creativity leaves me baffled and open mouthed in wonder. But I digress.

See, I've been plugging away at this - this THING. Leaving it and coming back to it. Adding. Subtracting. Heaven forbid re-writing. Until I've come to the point where I now have DL WIP 1, DL WIP2 and numerous versions of DL WIP3.

I've kept text that I'd removed and popped it in it's very own special document, just in case I wanted to come back to it. (I was so over remembering that I wrote something only to find out that I'd deleted it, so hence the Deleted Text document). Then there's the character charts, Idea documents and vague attempts at Plot lines and world building.

So of course I've totally confused myself to the point that I can't even remember which DL WIP 3 I was working on. Yes. I opened them all on the same day. *smacks head*

So. Over to the right there, you can see that I've put up a little progress meter. It shows progress on what is obviously Dragon Lord version 4. Yep, yep. I'm an idiot.

But this story wants to be told. I just don't know how to tell it. I thought that by starting from scratch it would be easier to pull together. Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to be the case. I can't totally turn my back on what I have previously written (17,000 words). There are some good bits there. Somewhere. In amongst the mind numbingly boring bits involved with getting from point A to B.

In all honesty I'm starting to go stark, raving BONKERS. This then sees me disenchanted with the latest version so I return to the previous one, telling myself that it wasn't that bad to begin with. Which means that I shelve the new one I started BUT there are parts of that that I quite like and may just be able to slot into the storyline, so it get's it's own little document. (can you see a pattern here?)

Also. I've noticed that V3 and V4 seem to be written in two very different voices and the characters are a bit different. For example in V3 my Hero is quite defensive and manipulative but in V4 he's coming cross as caring and a bit pathetic.

Plus, when I go back and read what I did in V3 I sometimes find myself stitting back and wondering. Who wrote that? Surely I didn't write that? But I did. See. Somewhere in there there are little hints of genius. Well, maybe that's taking it a bit far but there are things there that impress even myself.

Oooh look. Yummy. There's my hero *drool* It's as sexy as a half a head can get I suppose. ->

So. Where do I go from now? I probably shelve the whole lot. Because this is what I do every time I get in the mood to write. I start, get confused, get bored with getting confused and then put it all away. *sigh*

I think I have commitment issues.

I need to find myself a small Critique group that specializes in Romantic Paranormal Fantasy, or there abouts. I need to discuss my work with other writers. I need to learn so I work out how to get the Heroine to invite the scary Hero into her house ASAP so we can can get the story moving. Now keep in mind he will be naked and she will be sporting a wound thanks to him. Oh and then there's him changing into a Dragon thing. Geez, talk about baggage! Who in their right mind would invite THAT into the house? Honestly.

*sigh* I need a bex and a good lie down.

*sigh* ...

Have you ever been totally consumed by a book or series of books? So consumed that you dread seeing those final pages creeping up on you, knowing full well that last handful are purely blurbs of other books, past and present. So consumed that returning to the ‘real world’ has you almost hyperventilating to the point where you just want to curl up into a fetal position and hide beneath the sheets.

So consumed that a level headed person such as yourself is praying that all things Paranormal really did exist and that bad boy Vampire warrior would honest to god, end up on your doorstep?

Yep. I’m in one of those spirals ATM. I have been in between books, eagerly waiting my next book in my Sookie Stackhouse series. Yep. The one where I’d purchased book 7 but not book 6. Anyway, for some reason I picked up my JR Ward Black Dagger Brotherhood books again out of sheer boredom. Not really thinking I’d get so absorbed this time considering I’d already read them. Wrong.

I swear my husband thinks I’m having an affair, I’ve been so tuned out. I’ve read 5 books in about 3 days. Not good on my poor old eyes but I just can’t put these books down. I’ve totally zoned out and am walking around in a daze. A horrible, yearning, resentful daze. I know it’s not healthy. Here I thought my depression was under control. Perhaps not.

Pathetic. Really, really pathetic.

Strange thing is I have the sudden urge to write too. I don’t have a story in my head. Just the urge to write. I could go back to my poor old WIP’s and see what I can do to those but I’ve hashed and rehashed those so many times I don’t know if I’m coming or going anymore. I don’t have the staying power that’s required for writing. I used to have lots of ideas and images racing around my head. It’s like someone’s pulled the plug. Dead. Gone. Kaput!

Sometimes it’s just easier to read what someone else writes, isn't it?

Yeah. Not a good place today. Tomorrow will be better. I hope.